To the woman longing to be a mom…

I was hopeful that this would finally be the year that I would be celebrating Mother’s Day as a mom. After YEARS of infertility struggles, Mike and I have been going through the process of becoming foster parents with the hope of eventually adopting. Everything has been going so smoothly… and then COVID-19 happened. The good news is that we are back on track after everything was pretty much put on hold for a month or so. We had our first home study (virtually) a week and a half ago, with plans to do our second one within the next week or two.  But we will still have to wait for restrictions to be lifted so that our licensing coordinator can physically step foot into our home before the state will license us to foster.

So we wait some more…

Waiting… If you are longing to be a mom, that word has so much heartache and hope attached to it.

When the months turn into a year, and then years later you are still waiting.

Waiting for the day you no longer must put a brave smile on your face when all you want to do is break down and cry.

Waiting for a positive pregnancy test rather than another period.

Waiting to be the one to post an exciting announcement on social media, rather than only being the one to congratulate friends and family members.

Waiting to celebrate your own baby shower, instead of mustering up the strength to attend someone else’s.

Waiting for the day when you can decorate that room in your home you plan to use as a nursery… Or the night when you get to walk into that room to rock your baby back to sleep.

Waiting to no longer get a lump in your throat that starts deep in your heart when someone asks if you have children.

Waiting to be included in conversations with friends about the funny things your children do, or to schedule playdates. Oh, to be a part of the “mom club!”

Waiting to celebrate holidays with a little one, but your arms are still empty.

Waiting for the day when you get to promote your parents to grandparents. It hurts that you have not been able to yet because you know they long for that day too.

Waiting to no longer question… What did we do wrong? Why did God choose us to go through this painful journey? What is God trying to teach us? If we are meant to be fruitful and multiply, why can’t we? Why do others get to experience what we so desperately long for? When will it be our turn? Is God hearing our prayers?

Waiting to no longer feel guilty for being angry and questioning God. He has a plan far better than we could ever imagine, but it can be hard to believe when you are in the valley.

Waiting for your hopes and dreams to finally come true.

The waiting is hard, my friends. And I hope you know you are not alone. Although you are wearing a smile, I know today (and just about every day) is tough. But so are you! My prayer is that you can find joy in the waiting. Do not lose yourself (or your relationships) in the pursuit of becoming a mom. If you lose yourself to your dreams you will not have anything left of yourself to enjoy them if they come true. God has a beautiful plan for your life and there is purpose in the waiting.