How can I go back to a few weeks ago with what we know now? As I write this post it takes me back, and I can’t help but let the tears flow.
Let me back up…
On Friday, September 20, nineteen eggs were retrieved from my ovaries. The procedure went well, and I was in the recovery room with Mike after only about twenty minutes. Once the anesthesia wore off and I was feeling alright, the nurse gave us all the post-procedure care and we were on our way to get some food in our bellies. I spent much of that weekend on the couch. My pain was able to be managed with Motrin and Tylenol, and I didn’t really find a need for the prescription pain medication given. I became extremely uncomfortable over the next couple days though. Gaining seven pounds of bloat from the hyperstimulation of my ovaries over a couple days’ time will do that.
On Saturday, we received a call from our doctor’s office stating that thirteen of the nineteen eggs retrieved were viable, of which they were able to fertilize nine of them. Our next update was on Monday when we were told that one of the embryos didn’t make it, but they were continuing to watch the other eight. At that point, two of the embryos were progressing as expected while the other seven were progressing a little more slowly. By Wednesday, one of our embryos was a rockstar and was able to be biopsied and frozen that day. The other eight were still at a Day 3 stage when they should have been at a Day 5, but the embryologist was going to give them one more day to see if they would progress any further. That night, we prayed so hard that God would place his hands on our eight little embryos and help them grow while also continuing to watch over our one embryo that was already frozen. On Thursday we were told our eight embryos stopped progressing at Day 3, so they sadly became biohazard waste. Though we were saddened by this news, we were still hopeful about the one embryo we did have. Afterall, it only takes one embryo to have a baby.
Psalms 46:10 kept running through my head while we waited for the results of our embryo biopsy and even after we got the update that following Friday morning… our embryo had aneuploidy and would not lead to a successful pregnancy. In the matter of a short phone call, our hopeful excitement turned to a feeling of utter defeat. That day will go down as one of the hardest days I’ve had to work through. It’s not easy walking into patients’ rooms with a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was break down and cry in Mike’s arms; and I know Mike was experiencing something similar that day. We spent that evening and the rest of the weekend together, mourning our loss and trying to process everything.
I refuse to believe that all our prayers have gone unanswered; God just has a different answer to them. Though we still don’t have everything figured out, we know that God has a plan far better than we can imagine. We ask Him daily for wisdom and guidance along this journey, which is to be continued….
